A Call to Re-Occupy Your Parents' Basements

Kanye West, reasserting his importance in the political arena.

Today I make my voice heard. For today I write as a disenfranchised member of the Millennial generation! I will not, however, take to the streets. No; rather, I call on those who have - and in doing so embarrassed a generation with your braying of trite Guevarra-isms and paradoxical admiration of Guy Fawkes (do you want to blow up Parliament or endow it with more power?) - to retreat and take on a more manageable foe.



It may be said that with this outlook I am a traitor to my own, and perhaps that's true: I believe academic subjects that require elaboration with the suffix "Studies" are not actually that academic; I see little value in the "Occupy" "movement"; and worst of all, I did not vote for the savior of my generation, ObamainthehighestblessedishewhocomesinthenameoftheLooooord. But even if I am altogether uncharacteristic in these ways, allow me this one indulgence: let me blame somebody else for our problems.

I call on the Occupants to re-occupy their parents' basements! For it is they who misled you to believe that, like in little league baseball, everybody gets a trophy just for showing up. This is sadly not the case in the grown-up world, and your parents and educators are to blame for so jealously guarding you from that reality. Existence is not sufficient for reward. The generation is yours who frolicked on playgrounds made of anti-microbial space foam and EDPM rubber. Your self-esteem was sheltered from anything that could possibly challenge and ultimately build it. Take up the advice of your grandparents and get your hands dirty once in a while-- and I don't mean by voluntary vagabondage; do something productive and #occupy yourself with it. Airing grievances a la Festivus will not avail you, and, frankly, makes our entire age group look petulant and worthless.

We are the luckiest generation in human history. We literally have every resource at our fingertips. If you oppose large corporations and would rather purchase products from people whose business practices you agree with, the internet can connect you with small producers the world over. If you're not interested in "working for the man" or "selling out", there are ample start up companies out there with which you can find meaningful employment. Perhaps most profoundly, if you don't like any of that, you can start your own company for about $15 dollars a year in web space costs. This is unprecedented, and a gift of the odious free market. Somehow, though, in spite of all of this, the only thing you can think to do is decry the injustices of Capitalism and commandeer a privately-owned park 3 blocks away from Wall Street to act out your fantasies of being underprivileged. You're right; that is the best way to improve the lot of the "99%".

And so, I come full circle: perhaps, instead of embarrassing every productive person between the ages of 18 and 30 and pretending you have an important message to share, you should pack up your donated tents and go home. Occupy your parents' basements and bother the people who tricked you into believing you were entitled to everything for no reason at all. Then, once you're done with that, find something you care about and pursue it.