A Christmas List That Could Make a Saudi Prince Blush

Prince Alwaleed bin Talal al-Saud enjoying his in-flight glamor shot, which comes standard with the purchase of one gilt throne.

Christmas is upon us, and with this most wonderful time of the year comes the opportunity for millions of debt-strapped individuals all over the country to spend themselves back into prosperity. Below I have assembled a collection of items so unreasonably expensive and tacky that they would make even the likes of a Saudi prince blush. Lo:




10. Tissue Box!
Nero Intrecciato Nappa Vertical Tissue Box - $440
For the person in your life who is more offended by a bare tissue box than a cover that costs over 400 dollars.


9. Bathing Suit!
Variation H Print Swim Trunks - $830
Why go on a cruise when you could have a men's bathing suit for just as much?


8 . Can't be there? Show that you care.
Gilded Age Greeting Card (Note the use of the singular) -$3,450
This is the perfect gift for mothers to send to their out-of-town sons. It's well established that men are regular hoarders when it comes to greeting cards from their mothers. This one will sit boastfully on the mantle for years to come.


7. Vacuum Cleaner!
The Crystal ErgoRapido by Electrolux - $19,340
Just because it's crystal-studded doesn't mean this present does not suck. That was a pun. Seriously though, this is a terrible idea.


6. Electronics!
Diamond Flower RF Computer Mouse - $20,250
It's wireless. Cool, right?


5. Ping Pong!
Tom Burr Table-Tennis Table - $45,000
This year's Neiman Marcus Christmas Book features a rubber ping pong table for $45,000. Tom Burr, the "artist" behind this masterwork notes: "I like the notion of rubber. It has low-key glamour, like that of a sports car's bumpers and guards. And, quite simply, rubber makes the balls bounce—more bounce for your buck." It was unclear at the time if he was talking about his giant, black, rubber ping pong table, or another instrument of similar description.


4. Razors!
Zafirro Iridium Razor - $100,000
Sharing this could be the most expensive way to contract AIDS to date. Also makes a great stocking stuffer!


3. Sunglasses!
Dolce & Gabbana DG2027B - $383,609
Note: This entry was removed due to the fact that super-wealthy Arabs will literally pay any amount of money for designer sunglasses.


3. Ween that teen off Axe!
Clive Christian Imperial Majesty Perfume for Men - $435,000 plus $11.95 shipping
Great gift for teaching axe-logged teenagers how to properly use cologne, or, "perfume for men" as it were: "Pretend each and every spray costs 150 dollars. Okay, now, stop pretending, because what I just said is actually true."


2. The iPhone 3G!
Apple iPhone 3G "King's Button" - €1,790,000 ($2,400,146) + 20% VAT
For 2.4 million dollars, you too could own the two-versions-ago iPhone. Caveat emptor: the diamond is evil, and very persuasive.


1. Limoncello!
D'Amalfi Limoncello Supreme - £27,000,000 ($42,133,500)
This is a gross misallocation of gold and diamonds. Nobody likes limoncello this much, really, nobody.