Hey Yo Woman,
I, am sorry.
I pledge to honor all women (wymyn?) everywhere, by accepting my role in atrocities and cruelties committed long before my birth. I hold myself responsible for all actions that are not my own. I recognize, that just as it is not in any way absurd for me to personally take credit for the inventions of logic, space travel, the English language, and peanut butter; so too, it is fully rational for me to apologize for every wrong perpetrated by any single male, because, hey, I'm one too. I promise to speak in the creepiest way imaginable about lovemaking ("mutual body worship"), and your body parts ("sacred parfumeur"). I pledge to superficially take a stand against things that are obviously wrong, so that you know I'm serious about the rest of the stuff I just said. Together, we can make miracles. Miracles. Miracles. Miracles.
